After writing this, I realized this post could've easily lived on my Blog's "About" page. However, it's broad account is probably a bit much (understated) for that particular spot. But reflecting on life enables us to see a much larger picture, instead of gazing down on a table full of puzzle pieces never seeing, or able to appreciate the whole design. This is my circle, complete-
Over 25 years ago we bought some land to build a house. We found the plans and built our dream. So much thought went into every detail. In thoughtful preparation, everyone’s needs were considered, from aging parents, to our son and daughter. I imagined the soft, yet distinctive, sweet summer perfume of gardenia blooms lilting on the warm summer air through the children's bedroom windows. A fragrance I hoped, to remind them of home, to be remembered as they grew. The gardenias were planted beneath each bedroom window, and so it was. And when some would say, “It’s just a house,” they didn’t understand it was much more to me, it was a haven of retreat, a blessing, an answer to a crying little girl’s prayer, and the continued desire as a young woman, to one day live in a home that housed the Shalom of the Holy One, love and comfort.
We raised our children there in that house- a daughter, and a son. In the front yard we planted roses, and in the trees, we hung chimes for the fingers of the wind to tickle at will. In the ground with many tears we buried our beloved pets, and pulled the weeds between the seasons. We held our breath as our daughter married after college, divorced, found love again, fought a cancer scare with breast surgery, and adopted a blessing, an answer to our long awaited prayers- the gift of her baby boy- our grandson.
We watched our son move beyond the bleached highlighted hair, jean-jacket wearing, guitar playing twenty something, to be a dedicated family man and watched his heart melt to be called, “Daddy.” I opened my home to my aging Mother, and watched her blue eyes grow dim over a few short years, and slowly, watched her drift away. Many said, “just let it go, it’s time to move on, Melody, it’s just a house.”
I cooked the meals, I cleaned the house, and made special occasions happen on a grand scale. I commuted to work over 30 years, receive awards, and wore the shoes of success. Some have hearts that wander from the mountains, to rolling vineyards, and to the sea. They’re seeking
another adventure, a change of scenery, a new horizon to watch the sunset over places they’ve longed to see. It seems they do so with a restlessness, and a hunger, always seeking another place to be, often missing the beauty of where they are, continually driven to be somewhere else.
Now, I sit on my porch, in a rocker, and stroke the striped furr of the family cat, remembering all the life, and love we’ve had; how the timeline, and gray hair has progressed. I savored every summer breeze, and sound of laughter. I appreciated the time that the Creator allowed me to enjoy the fruits of my labor; a beautiful place to lay my head and live without fear, as I once did, earlier in my youth. Though I kept that pain hidden most often, I knew the value of keeping it close. By never forgetting where I came from, and the miraculous hand of Elohim that protected me, I never lost the gift of gratitude for the manifestation of love, a home, and my family- a divine, gracious gift, that became a reality.
I have more life behind me now, than I have left ahead. I’ve given from my heart, often unnoticed, and of my time, still smiling, though reeling in pain. I’ve broken bread and shared my table, heart and home, with visitors and family alike. There’s been tears of sorrow and loss, tears of joy, and yes- tears of regret; but I have LIVED, and had it all.
If these walls could talk, they’d testify of an atmosphere soaked in prayers, fun giggling laughter, joy, contentment, and more love than I could contain at times, as those close by witnessed often, tears of overflowing gratitude, that they didn’t understand. I lived to see retirement, brought on a few years early, by debilitating back pain from the years of being
willing to work for what I had, and care for others to the best of my ability. I lived to experience two extraordinary, very special little boys that earned me the right, and privilege to be called their, “Gigi.”
When my time comes, I’ll go knowing that life was a completed circle of love, and the winding road of life’s experiential lessons made me better and wiser for it. I valued every welcoming hug of embrace, as much as every cheek kissed, goodbye. And still, there’ll be those that don’t understand the rich value of a heart that appreciates and rejoices in every “little” thing, which are actually many little “gifts” given by a gracious and mighty hand.
As dust I'll return, resting within the earth. With a new body, immortal l'll rise, and His Kingdom will be worth it all.
If this touched your heart please do these 2 things-
Take a listen to this song by Artist, JJ Heller
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHPZDu51hxM
Please leave a comment and let me know you were here. I'd love to hear your perspective as well.